most undomly of me

me and s rubbed each other up the wrong way ending in a pointless shouting match this morning most undomly of me.

Managed to keep it together to get her to work though which is something. We need to get our shit straight or things are going to go from bad to worse. I just don’t know how to do it.

I mean I’ve got ideas and sometimes there is opportunity but when you add in energy and health to boot we get nixed at every turn. It will get easier as it gets warmer I’m sure but it feels like we need to start doing something meaningful more regularly.

I’m just not sure what is going to work for us and if I discuss it with s she just acts like I can’t make a decision and this is the worst thing in the world. I actually feel that we just make better decisions when we do it together and that’s the end of it. But it seems to resurface again and again.

I think she wants me to take all the pressure off her or something. To be honest I am not sure which of us is working harder or how the balance of pressure lies. I know that I’m flat out most of the time and maybe that is an indication that I need to rest more, which i am bad at doing for myself. I’m not sure if that’s all it is though.

I'm not saying s is not working her arse off, because their is no doubt in my mind she's never worked harder, i'm so proud of her. I just think her and my expectations of ourselves are so high that perhaps we don't always give each other the breaks when they need them. I'm certainly far from perfect in the support department, but i'm better than i think she sees me sometimes.

Guess I’m just going to have to suck it up and open up negotiations and see where we get. We did seem to manage about six months with things mostly amicable so maybe it was just time for us to have a blow up and clear the air, it’s not as if we managed more than a few weeks at a time without Ds before. So there's no benefit going backwards.