Dom drop

Dom drop sucks

anybody got a miracle cure

don't even know why i was in a shitty mood this morning.

know that i took it out on s.

wish i hadn't.

she was feeling all soft and vulnerable just as I started feeling low.

I leaned on her and she wasn't ready

ergo, my fault but also my emotional needs.

bit of a catch 22, damned if i do damned if i don't

s said that she thinks i find it hard to recognise my own emotions and talk about them before they become a crisis.

she may be right

but i find it difficult to recognise my own emotions and talk about them

D

bondage ropes

Just brought s some bondage rope and a DVD to learn how from 'bound to please'.

very good service.

have been having a few issues with s lately. She is letting go more and the weight of her anxieties have been on me. Its tough on the top.

On the flip side, I am getting the chance to show her i'm there for her. Hasn't been a perfect transition. Making a few mistakes, mostly misreading the situation or trying to do too much while too tired. No physical injuries but some mental scarring perhaps.

I tried to rope her last week using climbing rope which is effective for restraining but not very pliable. I also pushed her too far and exposed a lack of trust and a dislike for being ignored while trussed up.

Hopefully with a bit of a fun DVD we can redress the balance a little and start to rebuild that trust.

She really is finding it hard to believe i want this and my slow pace is not helping that, but i am determined to do it at a pace i feel comfortable so that it is not just me trying to keep up with her desires. That's tough as i am realising how much i was just reacting to s's wants in our relationship before.

also been thinking a lot about who i am, and who i have been in my life. I think i have learnt to put a pretty confident face on, but underneath i have been hiding from a lot of fears especially around sex and relationships. its starting to come out now and it makes me feel very vulnerable and un domly to be discussing things that are outside my comfort zone with s. and its quite a contradiction i think to be opening up and exposing ones weaknesses to the person who i am supposed to showing strength to. But then maybe i am misunderstanding some of this BDSM stuff, or if not then maybe i'm realising some of the boundaries of it.

realms

Getting caught up in life and being rather remiss of my blogging this week.

Took the family away for the weekend and didn't get much time to ourselves. Kind of made up for it over the last few days tho ;)

Work has been all over the show and s has a lot going on to so we have been tested a little in our D/s roles and I feel held up well.

Not a very exciting post this one but then I guess sometimes life is not always that exciting.

Sometimes I feel very weird transitioning between the realms I inhabit.

Are there skills to be learnt to make this easier?

Do you get used to it over time?

Or is it always just weird?

D