very good service.
have been having a few issues with s lately. She is letting go more and the weight of her anxieties have been on me. Its tough on the top.
On the flip side, I am getting the chance to show her i'm there for her. Hasn't been a perfect transition. Making a few mistakes, mostly misreading the situation or trying to do too much while too tired. No physical injuries but some mental scarring perhaps.
I tried to rope her last week using climbing rope which is effective for restraining but not very pliable. I also pushed her too far and exposed a lack of trust and a dislike for being ignored while trussed up.
Hopefully with a bit of a fun DVD we can redress the balance a little and start to rebuild that trust.
She really is finding it hard to believe i want this and my slow pace is not helping that, but i am determined to do it at a pace i feel comfortable so that it is not just me trying to keep up with her desires. That's tough as i am realising how much i was just reacting to s's wants in our relationship before.
also been thinking a lot about who i am, and who i have been in my life. I think i have learnt to put a pretty confident face on, but underneath i have been hiding from a lot of fears especially around sex and relationships. its starting to come out now and it makes me feel very vulnerable and un domly to be discussing things that are outside my comfort zone with s. and its quite a contradiction i think to be opening up and exposing ones weaknesses to the person who i am supposed to showing strength to. But then maybe i am misunderstanding some of this BDSM stuff, or if not then maybe i'm realising some of the boundaries of it.
I don't know that it should make you feel vulnerable to open up to her. I think it shows you're communicating and it may help the two of you to get on the same page as you figure out what works for the two of you in this lifestyle. Hope you can continue to work your way through things.
ReplyDeleteFD
Obviously you feel how you feel. But more importantly -- s needs to know that you are going slowly out of prudence and wisdom.
ReplyDeleteAs a new sub myself - -I know that I spent a lot of time chomping at the bit trying to show him that I was ok and game for anything he could throw at me -- it was the Dom's responsibility to say, "Sorry subbie -- I'm the boss and we go at MY pace -- not yours"
sfp
PS -- I'm a little jealous -- Mr. C won't use rope as he doesn't want to leave marks.
Thanks guys
ReplyDeleteHey striving, tell Mr C to look at a few web sites for ropes. One british one is 'bound to please' but there are tons out there.
We have had a little dabble with ropes and i recently brought some new silk rope, no marks.
the bound to please site recommends a dvd which is very basic and revealing. I was totally trepidatious about bondage but seeing s's reaction and feeling it myself has been pretty amazing. Actually i am buzzing about it.
D
Thank you Sir D -- unfortunately, Mr. C is often an immovable object.
ReplyDeleteone of the fun things about being in a relationship with a Dom.
sfp
sure striving, i hear you there, i can be pretty stubborn too at times but living with my s has taught me that persistance and subtle suggestion can have remarkable effects on me so who knows, maybe Mr C might soften ;) good luck
ReplyDeleteD