I believe that I have learnt from past errors my own and others that there is nothing as stilted and lost as a relationship trying to be something that it is not.
So with that in mind I have been pondering on the little problem of orgasm control and punishment for failure.
I can't remember the exact chain of thoughts that made us/me put that restriction in place. A disconnect between us sexually. A hope that it might bring our sexual needs more in line. That ball park anyway.
s seems to have become even more sexual aroused since we started not just the orgasm restriction but the whole D/s lifestyle. She may have just started showing me what was previously hidden.
Anyway, there is some tension between us about this because she has failed to not come on a few occasions, 25% of the time when I asked her to estimate.
I am disappointed. I have not punished very much, certainly not consistently.
Why not?
I have a few excuses but the truth is I don't know. on some level I am not that bothered, it doesn't effect me in any other area of my life. But I am frustrated that a goal that we have set for our relationship is not being met. I am kind of used to this happening as it is a part of reality, especially with two kids and some health issues. I'm not exactly expecting s to fail, but my default reaction has been 'she's struggling, I'll pitch in and get us over this hump'. So its difficult now to switch on a kind of opposite reaction.
On another level I am annoyed that s talks a big game about submitting but actually what she seems to thrive on is provoking a response in me. Now I am beginning to understand her enjoyment of play and power and spanking is definitely enjoyable for her. However when it is something we have both agreed on it seems immature to abuse it for personal gain. So this emotion sticks in my craw.
On another level, if we have achieved a closer sexual bond, and its failing to be taken seriously by either of us, do we need orgasm restriction any more? Or can we ditch it in favour of the next strategy.
D
