Seeing a problem is half the battle

Thank you to Florida Dom and Greengirl for your comments

I see that both of you feel strongly that in your relationships the Dom should be Dominant. That this is desired and enjoyed by both of you.

I do have the desire to be Dommish. Admittedly it waxes and wanes, but I do enjoy it. I enjoy a lot of things and I don't necessarily want to be doing them all the time.

FD - Is it hard wired into my DNA. I'm not sure I can answer that. So perhaps not. Or I'd know right? Having said that i haven't really dug around in my memory for cues that might have been their in the past. So maybe I need to do that (make a note for future blogs).

Greengirl - Perhaps my explanation of how I feel will give you an insight into how your Dom might feel. Maybe not but I guess that's part of the reason your reading this huh?

The main issue we have in our relationship at the moment is that s wants me to be more than I've got the drive to be. She ends up getting frustrated and snappy. Then she feels bad about it. And I feel bad about it.

I am beginning to spot the signs of s becoming frustrated so that I can step up my game at the right time and s is getting better at being patient. However this kind of puts the whip back in her hand.

Is it undommish of me to want to keep her happy and in her place, even when I don't desire to be a Dom for my independent internal needs at the time. I don't know. s seems to struggle with me doing anything for her because it isn't what I want. But I want to do stuff for her. That is part of my internal needs.

Bit of a deadlock on this and at a bit of a dead loss.

I have tried to unpick it for myself.

I know that my desire for s to be fulfilled is strong. And that I often enjoy taking and using her for my own needs and pleasure. Are they mutually exclusive. I don't think so. But there is a hurdle here for us to get over. I'm trying to balance our needs very finely.

Perhaps too finely.

Is it the Dommish thing to be a brute and push on to what I need. Or is that just Brutish. I'm more than that.

I guess I'm still struggling with my own animal here and that is effecting my confidence in acting on my feelings sometimes.

Still, seeing a problem is half of the battle.

D

What is a true Dom

Thank you to Florida Dom who commented back on my last post. I felt a connection with FD while reading his comment. But one paragraph stuck out at me...

'I'm not sure whether you're a true dom or whether you realize your wife has these needs and you're being a good husband and providing them to her. Either way, if you keep doing it, it will be good for your relationship.'

...now I'm not sure what a true Dom is? I have a kind of fuzzy notion of it developing but no text book answer (not that I expect there to be in this crazy world). But my nature is to seek clarity and I would like to do that in the style of FD and pose a question.

What is a true Dom?