Have I bitten off more than I can chew?

You have not only the responsibilty for creating/controlling this environment -- but you also have to do it while learning new skills that will ensure that you keep her safe.'

That was a comment by SFP on my last post.

Its sobering to hear words like responsibility and safe. I have been taking a lot of pleasure from our new relationship, and I am aware that there is a shortfall in what I am putting back. s describes it as feeling like I wait for her to stumble before I pay the attention she needs. Being re-active rather than proactive. While I am satisfied and not feeling her need I tend to focus on my other duties as a father, in my work and in other leisure pursuits.

I just wrote other leisure pursuits as if BDSM is a leisure pursuit. I am struggling to accept that it is more than that for s, it is a lifestyle that she yearns for me to embrace as much as her.

I am pulled towards the pleasure, staying aware of her needs, trying to push my own boundaries and hers, and doing it all safely and at a pace that sits comfortably with us both.

Hmm. Have I bitten off more than I can chew? I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other and see where we get to.

D

Shared Joy

I have a bit of a plan forming for this blogging lark. I am keeping a separate diary of ideas about BDSM which I can dip into when I feel the urge to share something.

But what I didn't expect was to be inspired to write by the comments I received back from my posts.

This is part of what was put up by Florida Dom to my first post.

"If you don't mind me giving my two cents worth, remember that what counts is what works for the two of you. There's no formula. What you read in other blogs may not work for the two of you. Remember, this is not a contest with other couples in the lifestyle. It's for your enjoyment.

And you have the tougher job in the relationship. She just has to submit. You have to take charge and insist she obey to bring out her submissive side. And you should push her limits. She may be more submissive than even she realizes. On the other hand, you want to stick with what works for both of you."

I'll be honest that it made me quite angry at first. Who was this stranger commenting on my life. How do they know what I need, what my partner needs. I wanted to respond straight away but I'm glad I didn't. On re-reading Florida Dom's comment I think I have recognised Their intention; to share a joy for BDSM; and an attempt to condense a mass of experience into a few choice words. There enthusiasm floweth over.

So Thank you Florida Dom for sharing your enthusiasm with me. I don't think I am the kind of person who is going to find this community an easy place to exist, but the kindness and support that I have seen on s's and others Blogs

can only help.

From new moon to vampire porn to BDSM

You may remember when all the hype started about the 'New Moon' vampire film.

s started reading the teenage fantasy story book series that they came from...and became obsessed.

After weeks of niggling I succumbed and started reading the first one too. Then I read them all... back to back... in every spare minute I had. And embarrassed as I felt about this, I admit, I enjoyed the escapism.

s read them all twice, three times then followed the fanzine vampire blogs for a while. You might have seen them. Its where fans of the book write missing chapters and alternate endings using the same characters and putting their own spin on them.

I wasn't interested but s read these vampire fanzines for days, weeks, months until she stumbled across some more fruity stories. Vampire porn. s wanted me to read them too but I was a bit of a prude. She said that they were a bit of fun, excitement and harmless. I was more than a bit sceptical even scathing and made jokes about her interest in it to cover my own shyness.

After a little while s followed a link and discovered a BDSM website.

I don't think it is exaggerating to say that our world has been turned upside down and given a good shake.

If you had told me I would be writing a blog about BDSM i wouldn't even have known what that meant. In all honesty I believe I am only at the start of a long journey of discovery into myself, my partner and the realm of BDSM. I hope that writing about it can be some help on this journey.

One thing I can say with certainty is that Vampire porn is not going to be enough to hit s's spot any more.